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This is an episode transcript for The Toy That Saved Christmas.

Transcript Edit

  • Milward: It's beautiful, isn't it? Another job well done!
  • Cavis: (sighs)
  • Millward: What's wrong, Cavis?
  • Cavis: Our careers are going nowhere, Millward.
  • Millward: But our work is up over London! Little children are singing our song and...
  • Cavis: We're not making a difference. Look at this.
  • (Millward looks at a newspaper)
  • Millward: Ooh, a sale on crumpets!
  • Cavis: No, not that. The rest of it.
  • (Millward looks at the rest of the newspaper)
  • Cavis: This is not a happy place, Millward. I did want our songs to bring joy and love like respectable songwriters. If I could do one thing, just one thing, I would teach all of London to love! Is that much? But how? But how? (gasps) Millward, I have an idea. Oh, the best idea I have ever did have!
  • Millward: Better than this silly mustache?
  • Cavis: This is the break we've been waiting for!
  • Millward: I'm with you, Cavis!
  • Cavis: And just in time for Christmas! (To Mr. Nezzer) It'll be great, sir! Uh, thank you AGAIN, sir! I didn't know what we can pay you, haha, sir!
  • Mr. Nezzer: Don't worry, I'll think of something. See ya later, Cavis. Millward.
  • Millward: Bye, Uncle Nezzer!
  • Cavis: Millward, is Seymour here yet?
  • Millward: No, not now, Cavis.
  • Cavis: He did say he would be here, right?
  • Millward: Yep.
  • Cavis: He's never been late before...right?
  • Millward: Nope.
  • Cavis: When's the last time you saw him?
  • Millward: Yesterday.
  • Cavis: Maybe the new invention doesn't work. Maybe he did sell it to something else. M-m-maybe it did blow UP!
  • Seymour: Out of the way! Out of the way! Sorry!
  • Millward: Did you finish it?
  • Cavis: Yes Seymour, did ya bring it?
  • Seymour: Yep! Here she is!
  • Millward: (gasps) It's amazing! So how does it work again?
  • Seymour: Rocket power! You're looking at the 1st place winner in the queen's horseless carriage competition.
  • Millward: (gasps) You won?!
  • Seymour: Uh, no. But I will! Next week!
  • Millward: That's great!
  • Cavis: Uh, Seymour?
  • Seymour: Now the Germans are working on an eternal combustion engine.
  • Cavis: Millward?
  • Seymour: As if. And there is my friend Stanley with his steamer. Fat chance! No. Rocket power! That's the way it's going to go.
  • Woman: Yeowch!
  • Seymour: Sorry!
  • Millward: Can I take it for a spin?
  • Seymour: Heh, be my guest.
  • Cavis: Millward?
  • Millward: Yes, Cavis?
  • Cavis: Look at that poster over there.
  • Millward: That poster?
  • Cavis: Yes, Millward. That poster. What does it say?
  • Millward: "The Princess and The Plumber: A Musical Spectacular!"
  • Cavis: Uh-huh. And what does it say under the title, Millward?
  • Millward: "By Cavis Appythart and Millward Phelps." That's us.
  • Cavis: Yes! That's us, Millward. And when does it say the show opens?
  • Millward: "Christmas Eve." (gasps) Just 3 days.
  • Cavis: That's right, Millward. The show opens in 3 days, but there's a little problem with that, Millward. Isn't there?
  • Millward: A problem?
  • Cavis: You haven't finished writing it yet!
  • Millward: Oh yeah. But, I'm stuck on a rhyme.
  • Cavis: He's stuck on a rhyme.
  • Millward: Possum.
  • Seymour: Possum.
  • Cavis: Seymour, did you bring the equipment?
  • Seymour: Yeah, it's right here.
  • Cavis: Millward, I need you to write that script. I need you to write like the wind.
  • Millward: I'll try.
  • Cavis: No! We're not gonna try, Millward. No. We're gonna do it next time! We have never did have a chance like this, Millward. If your uncle doesn't like you so much, he would have never let us use his theater. But if the show didn't work, we'll be back to writing ad copies for Durling's Dental Wax. I'm not getting back, Millward. No! This is our chance and we're going to take it!
  • (Start of Our First Big Break)
  • {singing}
  • This is our big break, we may never get a chance again. It's our big break so we're gonna do it right! It's our big break, the peas are gonna have to dance again. It's our big break, just like opening night!
  • Millward: So what's in the box?
  • Cavis: Ha, Millward! In this modern age it isn't enough just to have a great story anymore. Nooo! You need to show the audience something they've never seen before!
  • Millward: You've got a monkey that can yodel?
  • Cavis: No, Millward! Electric lights! Spectacle is the name of the game!
  • Millward: Woah. Cool. But doesn't the Royal Theater across town already have electric lights?
  • Cavis: Sure, on the building, that's busy! But we're going to give them something that's never been done! We're going to string electric lights on the scenery itself!
  • Millward: Wow. Can you do that?
  • Seymour: It's a bit of a fire hazard bu-
  • Cavis: (interrupting Seymour) But when you get your big break, sometimes you did get to take big chances! Right, Winston?
  • Winston: That's right, Monsieur Appythart!
  • CavisCause it’s our big break!
  • SeymourSo we're gonna take a chance again!
  • CavisIt’s our big break cause we’re running out of time!
  • MillwardIt's our big break!
  • CavisYeah, they want extravagance, my friend!
  • MillwardIt's our big break!
  • Cavis: Now go find that rhyme! Say, Winston, any luck with the Prince?
  • Winston: (To Cavis quietly) I'm talking to him right now. (To the prince on the phone) Hello Prince!
  • Seymour: You mean the crown prince? Prince Frederick?
  • Cavis: Indeed! Heir to the throne, and England's number 1 theater critic—a good word from him and the show's sure to succeed!
  • Seymour: So is he coming?
  • Cavis: Ah huhhuh, he will be as soon as he hears what a spectacle is it and that it stars his favorite actress, Miss Effie Pickering.
  • Seymour: Huh? Effie Pickering is in your musical?
  • Cavis: Well-hehehehe, not now exactly. 
  • Winston: But she is in his office.
  • Cavis: What? (clears his throat. To Effie Pickering) Miss Pickering, its so good of you to come. 
  • Madame Blueberry: Let's cut to the chase, Monsieur Appletart.
  • Cavis: Appythart. 
  • Madame Blueberry: Mais oui, you have 2 minutes to convince me I should be in this musical "The Princess and the Plum."
  • Cavis: (chuckles) It's "The Princess and The Plumber." A plum is a fruit, while a plumber is a skilled laborer who works on-uh, pipes.
  • Madame Blueberry: The clock is ticking?
  • Cavis: Well, it's a story about a sad princess and kindly plumber and the power of love. You see, on the night before Christmas, the princess's sink backs up and so, of course, she calls the plumber. Now unbeknownst to the plumber, the princess's pipes are magic pipes. So as he's working them on Christmas Eve-
  • Winston: He is visited by the 4 fairy peas of Christmas!
  • The 4 peasOh, we are the fairy peas! We like to eat strawberry cheese. Oh, we are the fairy peas of Christmas!
  • Millward: Oh, that's a good one.
  • Cavis: (continuing) And the Sugar Plumber Fairy. (chuckles) Get it?
  • Winston: No sir, I don't really get it either, but it will have electric lights!!
  • Madame Blueberry: The Royal Theater has electric lights too.
  • Cavis: On the scenery?!
  • Madame Blueberry: Can you do that?
  • Cavis: Oh yeah.
  • Madame Blueberry: Well, will the crown prince be there? Because you know this show will fail without a good word from the crown prince.
  • Cavis: Ohhoho, but of course! He'll be...uh. You defintely be.....uh. I'll be right back.
  • Winston: Effie Pickering? Oh oui, she's your favorite, I know, oh oui, she would be...most definitely.......PLEASE HOLD!
  • Millward: Possum....flo-ssom, flo-ssom.
  • Cavis: Tell me the prince is coming!
  • Winston: If Miss Pickering is in, zen ze Prince is in.
  • Cavis: Well, if the prince is in, I think Miss Pickering is in. So you get the prince, and then I'll get Miss Pickering!
  • Winston: Okay, and you get ze pickering and I'll get ze prince!
  • Cavis: Right.
  • Millward: Flossom crossom? Tralalalalalossom?
  • Cavis: Oh ho, rest assured Prince Frederick will definitely be there!
  • Madame Blueberry: Mmmmmm... Very intresting, Monsieur Applecart. Let me give some thought. 
  • Cavis: Appythart. So you’ll uh...call me tomorrow?
  • Madame Blueberry: That is enough. I will be in the show, the lights and the plums and the peas. 
  • Cavis: Oh ho ho ho, HEY THAT'S GREAT!
  • Winston: So you can come? Fantastic! You will not be sorry.
  • Cavis: And the best thing is, that it's all for good cause and you see I've noticed that people in this town don't always seem to love each other well. (Millward: Dossom?) And it's my theory that a big spectacular show filled with beauty, and...and electric lights, THAT'LL TEACH LONDON HOW TO LOVE!!
  • Madame Blueberry: I don't rehearse before 10:00 a.m. and I don't work with animals or children. Good day Monsieur Applecute.
  • Cavis: Eh heh heh eh, Appythart! We did it, SHE'S IN! Ha ha! THE PRINCE?
  • Winston: He's coming?
  • Millward: Schlossam....crossam...... picassom.
  • Cavis: This is great. Now, all we need is that rhyme!
  • Millward: Fossum...Gossum..b.........BLOSSOM!!! Oh plumber, you dropped your possum. Yes, princess, I think it is true! I was hoping our love might BLOSSOM! But the possum is eating my shoe!
  • Cavis: Gold, Millward! That's gold! It's our first big break and if the show is really pretty.
  • MillwardIt's our first big break!
  • CavisThen I do believe!
  • MillwardOur first big break!
  • CavisThat we're going to show this city how to really love, starting Christmas Eve! It's going just as I hoped. What? "All New Christmas Production. Saint Bart's Church. Christmas Eve?" 
  • (End of Our First Big Break)
  • Tommy Pickles: Ok, you have got Charles Street, Cross Street and Pudding lane.
  • Angelica Pickles: That will take all day!
  • Tommy Pickles: Well then, pack a lunch! 
  • Kimi Finster: Tommy, I cannot carry anymore! I need a break.
  • Tommy Pickles: A break? You wouldn't stage the biggest Christmas pageant London has ever seen by taking a break!
  • Phil DeVille: Tommy, I don't think I want to be a cow.
  • Tommy Pickles: What do you want?
  • Phil DeVille: I want to think I'm allergic to-ca-a-a-choo! Cotton balls.
  • Tommy Pickles: Wear a clothespin on your nose. You'll be just fine. 
  • Phil DeVille: (groans)
  • Stu Pickles: Tommy. How is it going?
  • Tommy Pickles: Pretty good, Stu! We are a little behind schedule but if you would help out I'm glad we can catch up!
  • Stu Pickles: Tommy, a Christmas pageant didn't have to be a huge spectacle, you know. The story of Christmas is so simple, so powerful. Sometimes a simple presentation is the best way to let the message shine through. 
  • Tommy Pickles: Oh, it's going to shine all right! I've got about 20 pounds of glitter! You think that's enough?
  • Stu Pickles: Well, I'd like to help but I have got an errand to run. There is a family across town. They are out of work. They didn't have any food for Christmas. I'm going to take them some groceries. 
  • Tommy Pickles: Oh Stu, did you have to do it now? The pageant!
  • Stu Pickles: ...Isn't has important does help people indeed, Tommy. That's how God did on Christmas. He did come to us to help us and to show us how much He did love us. "And she shall give birth to a son and they named him Emmanuel. God is with us." I want to show this family the love God did show us. I'll be right back. 
  • Tommy Pickles: Alright. But bring more glitter, okay?
  • Stu Pickles: Oh, and, uh, by the way, the church committee met and they did decide that you could use the Star of Christmas in your pageant, if you are very careful with it. Moyer will put it in the cabinet by the side table for you.
  • Tommy Pickles: Oh, thanks, Stu! This is going to be GREAT!
  • Stu Pickles: Oh, excuse me, mister.
  • Cavis: Oh! E-excuse me! It's just- Just a bunch of kids putting on a church play. I don't know why I was so did worry. After all, I am a big-time producer. Twice awarded for exemplary work in the dental wax industry. Wonder what a Toy that Saved Christmas is anyway?
  • Arthur Hollingshead: Beg pardon, were you asking about the Toy that Saved Christmas?
  • Cavis: Uh, yeah. 
  • Arthur Hollingshead: Yes indeed, the Toy that Saved Christmas of Canterbury. One of the finest existing examples of 6th century metalwork. Given by Saint Gregory the Great to the monks of Canterbury August 14, 2007. His astonishing gold-and-silver five-point star later decorated the colts of King Edward the Confessor, William The Conqueror and James Amaphobect. Before coming the rest of the Church, you see, behind you in 1998. (Archibald breathes) Why did you do that?
  • Cavis: Well, it's nothing, really. They're just gonna use it in a Christmas pageant. 
  • Arthur Hollingshead: Good heavens! Are you crazy?
  • Cavis: Yeah. 
  • Arthur Hollingshead: That's amazing! The toy haven't been publicly did display since February 12, 2008, due to the perceived emergancy risks from the reigns of King Charles the Greedy and Cedric the "I'll-eat-everything-star-shaped." That's big news!
  • Cavis: Who are you again? 
  • Arthur Hollingshead: Arthur Hollingshead, reporter for The London Post Gazette. Young man, you've given me a fine story. Here's tuppence for your trouble. Stop the presses! I've got a dandy! London needs to know about that pageant!
  • Cavis: Well, I'm glad a big paper like the Post Gazette is too easy for a story about a little Christmas pageant.
  • (Jump-cut to Cavis' office. A newspaper lands on his desk that talks about the Church pageant unveiling the Star of Christmas.)
  • Cavis: Right.
  • Millward: It says now, "The Toy That Saved Christmas haven't been seen in 75 years." It says, "All respectable citizens who want to be in attendance for the reunveiling of this priceless artifact at the Christmas pageant at St. Bart's Church on Christmas Eve." Wow! We must go! This sounds great!
  • Seymour: Hey, that's the same night as your show. Heh. What a coincidence!
  • Cavis: So this could affect our attendance a bit.
  • Seymour: A bit? They pretty much said you have to be an uncultured swine to miss out on the toy.
  • Cavis: Well, they may not be as mad as you think. What did I say all along?
  • Seymour: You can't do any healthy lifting. Baseball injury.
  • Cavis: No, besides that. What's another thing I said all along? You know, for any show to open successfully-
  • Millward: -You need to have a good word from the crown prince. I remember!
  • Cavis: Absolutely! All you need for opening night is the prince. He does come, He does see it, He does give it a good word, we hit! We've gotta make! We don't have an auditions! We just have the prince! And unless we hear to realize, she's coming.
  • (phone rings)
  • Millward: I'll get it (answers the phone. to the prince). Hello? Prince Frederick? Oh, hello! Yes? You did? You would? We are? You don't? I see. All right. Goodbye. (hangs the phone up) (to Cavis and Seymour) It was the prince.
  • Cavis: And?
  • Millward: He worked on the dental wax ads...but He's always been a fan of the toy. It'll be in the back row...with the church pageant. She's not coming.
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